Funny but slightly useless anecdote: I entered college in 2009 and if most of you guys remember it was Ondoy (Typhoon Ketsana, if you want the international name) which brought record-breaking rains and paralyzed the capital of the country. We were at a stand-still for a good three days and at the time I lived in Marikina City, which was hit the hardest by the typhoons. 3 years later, with monsoon rains bringing 1000+ mm of rain in 2 days, its a little dramatic, but I find it funny that as a senior another calamity comes our way. Full circle, if you will (a morbid one though.)
The night before the floods I was at the Pro-RH bill rally over at gate 2.5, then as per usual I ended up in Starbucks, and then this happened
When I found out classes were suspended my initial reactions were disappointment, mostly because I was looking forward to my class with Bobby Guev. After a day of rallying in the rain for the RH bill, of course I was looking forward to a lesson of liberation theology. After a while, I thought I wanted to make the most of the free night to play games. When I heard reports of how bad the floods were in some areas I decided to go home. Before stepping out I spoke to the Starbucks guard (for those of you who frequent Starbucks, you might know him as the one with the impeccable english accent) and asked where he goes home. He said he goes home to Antipolo. I asked how he gets home and responded that he bikes. I stepped out for a while to look for a motorbike but found a bicycle strapped to the bars of Starbucks. Feeling helpless, I handed him some money hoping that it would somehow make the ride home a little more bearable.
Not that that is the point of this post, but I am confronted with a question: why must others suffer so much and why am I lucky? When I spoke to the guard in Starbucks, I had this longing to tell him "ako nalang", let me take your place, you take mine. It is so hard for me to fathom why others must suffer so much while so many of us have it so easy and why people easily ignore how senseless the conditions of poverty are. Teach me God how to do more for those who have less. Teach me to be a true woman for others.
After posting this on facebook, all the flood reports started coming in and the evacuation reports. It was Ondoy all over again. Having come from a rally, an experience that I felt to my bones, and then suddenly national calamity was a little bit overwhelming (to say the least.)
These past few days have broken me. I have realized though that while it is so easy to appeal to the moral side of things, to feel so much sympathy for those who have less, it is another to do something about it. I worked thankless jobs over at the Relief Operations at the Ateneo and I will be honest: I did feel sad. Where was the recognition? Where was the gratification?
After catching myself thinking these things I realized that I was a hypocrite. I was ashamed really. How could I have reached this point of being so conceited when I claim to fight for equality and social justice. Rhetoric and theory is empty if we cannot integrate it with human experience and praxis. This is easier said than done however.
As an Atenean, it is so easy to argue on behalf of the powerless, the marginalized, and the poor. We are given all the basic tools of the trade, all the right terms, all the concepts, and we are even taught how to argue. But more and more I am being brought to places where my theory and rhetoric are being put to the test. I am brought to places where arguing is pointless and the dogma I have learned becomes useless. I am thrown off the hill and into the world where life is far from easy.
While I figure out my life's direction, I am beginning to see why people say the "real world" outside of college is so much more difficult. It definitely is. Outside my university where only the richest and smartest people are accepted, of course life is difficult. In fact, life is unbearable for many outside of my gated university. My university where people believe the only thing their student government should be doing is suspending classes, putting air conditioning in all the classrooms, and toilet paper in the bathrooms. Heck, someone even suggested that what I should be considering for our student government to provide is valet parking.
This week has been rough, but it has opened my eyes to how narrow the road to social justice is. That while it is so deliciously enticing to theorize and argue, you are put to the mettle when you are confronted by the experiences of those who suffer at the hands of all these structures of injustice, and it is an entirely different story when you begin to do work against these things.
This post is a reminder for myself many years from now, where I hope that I will be a much stronger person. That I will still hold steadfast to the things that I believe in. That my theory and my knowledge will not hinder me from experiences, but will only deepen and widen my love.
As a graduating senior, it is only apt that my final year is marked by such a tragedy. Not to say that I am glad it happened, but it is kind of like reading a book twice over and gleaning new perspectives each time. It is my only hope that 10-15 years down the line when I am working to provide for myself and a possible family, that I have not forgotten these lessons.
